Update

Hi! If you are just checking in I have moved my blog. Please leave a comment and I will send you think link. I hope you are having a great 2010 so far and I would love to keep in touch. I hope you'll visit me at my new "home" soon!

Leaving Home

I've done quite a bit of thinking and I have decided to move my blog to a new place. I feel good about it and am really excited about my new "home". It's not going to password protected, but I am not going to post the link here. If you follow me on Twitter, I am posting the link there and if you are a Braces Buncher the link will be there, as well. Otherwise, please leave me a comment and I will send you the link. I really, really hope you will come and visit my new space!

Four Months

The days seem to fly by in a blur. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I woke up this morning and realized that Emily will be 4 months old on Thursday

...and that Luke will be 20 months on the 25th.

How is it possible that in less than two years my life has changed so dramatically? People always told me that once you have children, it will be hard to imagine life without them. That's true, I suppose. It's hard to imagine my mornings without Curious George (thank God for PBS Kids) and Emily "talking" while I hurry to get ready. It's hard to imagine life without the haze of sleep deprivation. A part of me loves the advancement of time and the newness of each day, but another part wants it all to stop because it's just going way too fast.

Soon, we'll all be experiencing another type of change: a new house. We closed on a house at the end of September and will be moving in as soon as we replace some flooring and do some painting. The house hunting roller coaster of 2009 is over!! After months of looking and one contract that had to be canceled (stupid seller), we finally found a house, in a cul-de-sac and next to a park. Even though we are so cramped and very ready to move out of our current house, I know that M and I will have bittersweet feelings about leaving. We've spent our entire married life there and raised our kids (up to this point) there. It's time, though, and I think that we'll make wonderful memories in our new home.

Thanks so much for the comments about privacy in the blogging world. I really appreciate the thoughts. I'm still thinking about a switch to WP so I can protect certain posts, but I haven't made a final decision, yet. If you have made that switch, I would appreciate your thoughts on Blogger vs. Wordpress.

Goings On

It's been a while, hasn't it? A lot has happened. We got a house, we lost it and now we're buying a different house. I've gone back to work and both kids are in a new school. All of that will have to wait, though, because I want to talk about my weekend.

Most weekends are full of this and that, errands and park visits, etc.. However, last Friday, I kissed my kids and husband goodbye and got on a plane headed to Minneapolis. I've been reading Matt's blog since I was on maternity leave with Luke. One day I stumbled upon a blog that was set up to collect items and donations for Matt and Maddy. In the last 16 months or so I have gotten to know some amazing people and have seen an idea turn into an organization that helps people in need.

On Saturday, the Liz Logelin Foundation had it's first official 5K Walk/Run at Lake Calhoun in Minneapolis. It was nice morning, and by nice I mean not already 90 degrees.

As the park filled up with people I saw first hand the power that Matt's story has wielded in the blogosphere.

It was a great turnout and despite the bugs who tried to eat us alive, we were able to raise a lot of money to help families who really need it.

After the walk, I hung out by the pool with some wonderful folks! You can't see me because I was hiding in the shade with the pale people.

That evening I may or may not have sung a lot of karaoke with this lovely lady.

Luckily, there aren't any photos of that......I hope.

Sunday, I put on a nice dress for the first time in...I can't remember.....and climbed the steps to the Calhoun Beach Club for The Liz Logelin Foundation Gala. It was the result of months of work, hours of donation solicitation and a lot of stress. It was worth the sleepless nights. There were some awesome auction items:

good things to eat

and wonderful new friends

The generosity of the people attending brought everyone to tears. Because of that generosity the foundation will be able to help several young families who have suffered the loss of a parent. There is still time to help. We are also having an online auction and it's going on right now. If you think you can help or want to get a jump start on your Christmas shopping, go here.

I've always admired Matt. Not only is he doing an amazing job as a single parent, but he took a horrible situation and made it into something positive. It's easy for me to get involved in my own life. It's easy to forget how lucky I am. This was just the reminder I needed.

Whatever Works

It was four weeks ago that we we became a family of four and I feel like I am just emerging from the sleep deprived haze of having a newborn. Luke is staying in daycare while I am on leave, so every day it's just me and Emily. I thought I would get a lot more done than I have, but I was unprepared for the exhaustion of having a newborn all day and a 17 month old in the evenings. M has been great, as usual. He has taken on just as much as I have, aside from the nursing, of course. I'm usually too tired to say it, but I would never be able to do this without him.

I am also noticing a big difference in the treatment of child number two. With Luke, everything was examined, obsessed over and discussed. Now, it's all about whatever works. A little formula? Not a problem. Letting Emily fuss a little because I just can't get to her? She'll be ok. Putting the baby in the car seat to sleep? If it means I get a little more rest, then I'm all for it. People like to say that the second kid always gets jipped, and maybe there is some truth to that. I like to think that it has more to do with a more efficient use of limited resources.

If I was more eloquent I could write about what having two healthy children really means to me, but I'm no writer. Instead, I will just say that I am humbled daily by what we have been given. All of the craziness and all of the exhaustion is worth it. Especially when they are both asleep.

Roller Coaster

We welcomed Emily Elizabeth into the world on June 15th! She weighed 7lbs 11ozs and was 20 inches long. She has a full head of dark, dark hair (like her dad) and seems so tiny! When she came out, Dr. T announced that he cord was wrapped around her neck twice, which scares the shit out of me. I'm so glad it was a planned c-section. Here she is!







M's mom came down to help and Luke seemed to do ok. He had moments where he seemed a little off, but he was quite a trooper. As soon as they could unhook me from all of the IVs, he came to visit and our little family was complete.



I checked out on Thursday and we headed home. Then, the roller coaster started.

Friday I noticed that my swelling, which got worse after Em was born, was not improving at all. I also noticed that when I took a nap it felt like there was a weight on my chest. I turned to Dr. Google, of course, and saw some things that convinced me I should call my OB. The on call Doctor told me to go to the ER. We left Luke with my MIL and M, Em, and I all went to the emergency room. As they took my vitals I nursed the baby in triage, convinced that this would be taken care of quickly. If only that were true.

M left because all of this was a little too much for Luke, so he took Em with instructions on how to feed her the formula. (I just want to say that I normally make fun of the formula samples that the companies give you when you leave the hospital, but never again). One hour passed, then two. They called me back, gave me a room and hooked me up to measure my heart rate and O2 levels. My O2 was fine, but my pulse was low. They gave me a CAT scan, a chest x-ray and an ultrasound on my legs to check for blood clots. In the mean time, my phone was dying. I left my charger in the maternity room and hadn't had a chance to fully charge it. I was alone, cold and cut off from the world. After receiving a diuretic, the ER Doctor came in and told me that I had some fluid around my lungs and it looked like everything I received post C-Section was just a little too much for my system to handle. Oh, and they were admitting me. It was something about my heart.

As soon as he left I burst into tears. I couldn't call M because there was ZERO signal in my ER room, so I waited and waited. There was no room on the maternity ward, so they took me to the general surgery floor. Around 1am I arrive in my shared room, next to a poor older lady who was obviously in a lot of pain and on a lot of pain killers. SHe talked in her sleep constantly with bits of conversation from her everyday life.

"Are you going to the mall? Sour cream."

All I could think of was that my little girl was at home without me. I should have been up feeding her, but I was in a freezing hospital room with someone who pooped the bed every half hour and had to have her sheets changed all night. Lights were coming on and off and even with the curtain drawn there was no chance of sleep. At about 3am I went to the nurse and told them I was checking myself out. The charge nurse told me that I could do that, but 1) insurance wouldn't pay and 2) they really needed the cardiologist to check me out. They wrote "congestive heart failure" on my chart. Congestive heart failure?? WHAT???

So I cried and waited until morning. When morning came I met my day nurse and begged her for answers. When will I see the OB? When will I see the cardiologist, AKA the only person who can sign me out? After two doses of diuretics I felt much, much better. M brought me a new charger and held me while I cried my eyes out. I missed home. I missed my children. I missed my brand new baby. No one could tell me when the Doctor would be there. God forbid anything happen to you on a weekend because no one seemed to give a shit. My friend Maura, who has twin girls of her own, took Luke for the morning so that M could visit and I will always be so grateful for her help. My MIL took Em and we are so lucky she was there. I just don't know what we would have done.

I saw the OB around 3pm Saturday and she said that she thought everything looked ok, but she wanted the cardiologist to rule out postpartum cardiomyopathy. It dawned on me that when I said my chest felt tight, they may have thought I meant pain, as in a heart attack symptom. Swollen ankles is another symptom, but I hadn't been passing out or having shortness of breath. At 5pm, as Luke and Emily were visiting (with Maura's help) the cardiologist finally came by and released me. He said that he didn't see anything wrong with the low pulse since it went up when I walked around. He thinks that it's normally low. I don't really know since the only time I've really monitored it was when I was pregnant.

Almost exactly 24 hours after I walked in to the ER, M came and got me and we headed home. There is nothing that will give you an appreciation for your life like an experience like that. Being apart from my newborn was one of the worst experiences of my life. I've never really liked roller coasters and getting up for night feedings is all that I need in the way of excitement at the moment. Breastfeeding is right back on track and out family is intact once again. The swelling hasn't gone completely from my ankles, but it's much more normal. I am making more of an effort to put my feet up and appreciate this time at home. Life is good and I am trying to enjoy every minute of it.

(If you have ever had a postpartum experience with swelling or anything like that, let me know. I would be interested to hear what you were told by your Doctor...)

Four Years

M and I have been married four years. There has been a lot of change in those four years, but I am always glad that I have someone like M by my side. I've seen friends deal with some major issues this year, and it made me realize how important it is to have a partner who is truly your partner. I know that having children has added another dimension to our relationship. We aren't just smug marrieds, we're survivors of 3am feedings, stomach flu and diaper disasters.



I don't know how it will be with two children, but I hope we can always remember who we were on May 20, 2005. It seems like a lifetime ago, but I can't wait to experience the lifetime we have ahead of us. I love you so much, sweetie!