Whiskey Tango

Thank you so much for your kind words. I cannot tell you how much they mean to me and I feel very lucky to have such a great support system. I spoke with my parents and my brother last night after the funeral. They said it was sad, but good, and that everyone seemed to take comfort from being together. They all went to my other Aunt's house afterwards where there was a lot of food, laughter, and stories. It was very fitting and I think that Aunt J's spirit was there and was happy. What more can you ask for?

Every year my friend L has a huge Halloween party that everyone looks forward to. The costumes get pretty creative and I love seeing what other people come up with. I've been looking for something really good that incorporates my belly, which is pretty visible now. I decided to go as "Miz White Trash". (I normally think those kinds of things are kind of insulting, as if I'm making fun of people who are poor, but in this part of the country there are plenty of people who fall into the WT category who are not poor at all. It cuts across all socio-economic boundaries in T.exas. Also, I decided that maybe I needed to lighten up and have a sense of humor.)

I bought a used prom gown that really doesn't fit and will put some rollers in my hair and generally not make any sort of effort to hide my figure or make myself look, well, like "Miss" anything. As I was thinking about it, I realized what I really was going to be. I am going to be every irresponsible, liquor drinking, cigarette smoking, too young pregnant person I ever read about that made me say, "She can get pregnant, and I can't????" I am going to get an empty pack of cigarettes from someone and stick them in the cleavage that I now have and get an empty liquor bottle and put apple juice in it or something. That should complete the outfit. I know people will laugh, but I also know that there will be just the teeniest amount of bitterness on my part that no one will know about but me. I will also feel a sense of gratitude for my own condition and that the belly under my dress is my own. That is something I could never forget.

Is anyone else going to a party? If so, I would love to hear about the costume you are choosing!

Please go over and see Hope who got some bad news and needs some love. I am so damn sorry, sweetie.

It Goes On

I hate early morning phone calls. They are never good news. This morning was no exception. My Aunt J passed away early this morning. She was in hospice after an exhausting battle with cancer that started in her lungs from years of being a smoker. My father is #6 out of 7 kids, and Aunt J was the youngest. He was holding it together pretty well, I thought, but I could tell his heart was breaking. As he told me the details that he knew, I could feel the baby kicking me. It reminded me of one of my favorite quotes:

In three words I can sum up everything I know about life - It Goes On. - Robert Frost

Goodbye, Aunt J. I will miss your laugh and your cooking. Be at peace.

Halfway

Today marks 20 weeks! It seems like I've been pregnant for much longer, although I do not mean that as a complaint. I've been trying to appreciate every single moment of this whole experience and that may account for the sloooow passage of time. Of course, when I think about how NOTHING is ready in the house, time seems to have gone by more quickly. At any rate, I am happy and grateful to be here at this point. I feel the baby move several times every day as he gets stronger and stronger. It's so amazing.

We had a wonderful time in Virginia/DC and I will try to post a picture soon. I love spending time with the niece and two nephews. They are so hilarious! We visited the WWII memorial and I thought it was very nice. We just finished watching The W.ar on PBS, so it seemed a little more real than I think it would have normally. Did anyone else see that documentary? I thought it was amazing. I have my monthly check-up tomorrow and we go to look at a daycare on Thursday. This is all really going to happen! If I sit and think about it, it starts to scare me a little bit. I even bought a book meant for men to learn about baby care. What's worse, I didn't know a lot of the facts in the book!

Tomorrow I am going to see a friend who is going through a really hard time. She is an IF veteran and has been trying for child number two for a few years now. Her wonderful son came to the world after a really heartbreaking pregnancy loss at 6 months and she just had her first foray into the world of IVF. After a good initial report, they told her when she went in for the transfer that the embies did not progress as they had hoped. They went ahead with the transfer, but no one was really optimistic. My heart breaks for her. She has been through so much and now this. I could hear how lonely she felt in her grief when I spoke to her on the phone. If you happen to have a few moments, maybe you can spare a good thought for her.

My good thoughts are with all of you, especially those of you who lit a candle yesterday.

Allergies and Such

Well, the trip to the allergist was interesting to say the least. It turns out that one of her specialities is treating pregnant women who have asthma and allergies. I guess that's one advantage to living in a large, polluted city with one of the largest medical centers in the world. I have never been to an allergist. No one in my family has asthma and I always just treated my sinus headaches with over the counter whatever. They gave me a breathing test and when the doctor came in she told me: Someone your age, non-smoker who is not overweight should be in the 90th percentile, at least. You're an 82. Oops. I guess that little cough I always have (I call it the Houston cough) actually was something. I asked her if it could be because I was pregnant because I might as well blame it on the baby, right? She told me that while the diaphragm is squeezed, that does not affect lung flow. She told me to try not to use the Tylenol sinus because decongestants are not the best thing in your first two trimesters, hence the rising blood pressure. I walked out of there with TWO inhalers, one nasal spray and z.yrtec. Lord almighty! Do any of you guys have any experience with mild asthma, inhalers or anything like that?

Meanwhile, I feel the baby kicking more and more and it is pretty cool! We are leaving tomorrow for M.clean, VA to visit M's brother who just built a new house that I am dying to see. It will be nice to get a small break from the heat since it is still in the 90's here. Thank you global warming. If you haven't gone to see Leah, she has FANTASIC news! LJ got a great fertilization result from her retrieval and I hope those cells keep dividing!!!! Also, Baby Moxie is wearing the cutest green dress/blouse ever. I love it!