Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Disconnected


I survived my first week back at work. I felt really good until Friday when I realized I had a blocked duct in my right breast and I was emotionally and physically exhausted. The blocked duct I was able to fix without antibiotics, but the exhaustion is another matter. When I took Luke to daycare this morning I gave him a big kiss and handed him over to Miss Monica. She walked away and his little face watched me leave from over her shoulder. It was heartbreaking.

I have been feeling really disconnected lately. Three months ago I was a totally different person and now that I am back at work and interacting with adults, I realize that I miss the social part of my life. I also realized that I am not sure how I am supposed to feel or behave now that I am a parent.

I am very grateful for what I have. I have a loving husband and a beautiful son. I have a job and daycare that is less than a mile from where I live. I have parents that are close enough to come and babysit on weekends if we need help. I have so many blessing in my life. I can't figure out why I feel so restless.

I know that there are mommy groups out there, but I just don't feel like I have a lot in common with the mom's in this area. I like talking about organic food and politics - usually the liberal side. Houston is not known for either one of those things so it's been hard finding someone who I can relate to who also has a child close to Luke's age. I do have friends that have small children and they are wonderful people. The thing is, their kids can play with each other and Luke just isn't very interactive, yet. I have invited myself over a few times, but I feel badly doing that and it is awkward.

All of this is compounded by the fact that M still works on the house every weekend and we rarely go out and do anything as a family. I know that 3 month olds don't care where they are necessarily, but it's nice to get out and not be by yourself with a baby. I know other families go out with their babies because when I was trying to get pregnant they were EVERYWHERE.

One of my best friends is moving away soon and I realized that when she leaves I won't have that special "go to" person to talk to or meet for coffee, anymore. I know that it is my responsibility to go out there and meet people and that sitting at home feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help anything. I was concentrating so much on wanting to be a mom that I didn't realize I was supposed to be learning how to socialize as one, too. It just feels a little lonely, sometimes.

23 comments:

Fertilized said...

Does your hospital have online mommie groups? The hospital that I am delivering at has these different groups for different topics. My friend is in an organic,breastfeeding mommie group- but then again it's FL. You should look it up and see if they have any. I think Lactation Consultants have listings also

I am so sorry you are feeling disconneted. You will get your groove back.. it's just more transitional (i am hoping)

Chris said...

You should move to Austin! Audrey and Luke can hang out on a blanket and we can talk politics and organic food.

Glad you got the duct cleared out. That hurts like a mother.

littleangelkisses said...

Oh honey, it IS hard to socialize with other moms. I too felt like a completely different person when I went back to school. (I teach too) I had not started the school year (was in the hospital) and then so many thing happened before I went back in December that I felt like a stranger. I had other circumstances but it was so strange.

Keep with it, it's hard to make friend. It's a little like dating really, but now I have some women that "get" me and it's so nice!

Nicky said...

Here from NaComLeavMo. I also tried for a long time to get pregnant, and I'm ~6 months along now. I have no doubt in my mind that I will be going back to work after the baby is born (I'm just not the stay-at-home-mom type), but I can already tell how conflicted I'm still going to be. Lots of my friends have kids, but not a single one of them went back to work. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who feels a bit ... distant ... thinking about who I'm supposed to relate to these days.

armsforanangel said...

It's tough to feel disconnected. I think it's part of being infertile and then becoming a mom. I felt that same way after we got Lucky. I have zero usefull advice. We're here for you though.

Katie said...

I'm sorry you are having a tough time with socializing. I feel that way after moving away from all the friends and family. We are back visiting and it just seems weird since it was the hubby and I for so long.
Here from NCLM

JJ said...

I so wish we lived closer..Im always up for an email chat-I know its not the same, but I'm sure we could keep each other entertained=)

Kristen said...

I agree with Farah about finding an online support group. Or you could start a Yahoo group for organic mommies, etc. I know you also need the physical interaction but that may help in the meantime since your area seems lean in that department.

Going back to work must be such a transition. I am faced with that myself come October (whoa!) so it is great to see it from your perspective. I'm sorry you are feeling lonely and I hope this phase passes, with someone waiting around the corner for you to connect with on a more personal level.

NCLM

baby~amore' said...

I here from NaComLeavCom
Ouch on the blocked duct.
I can understand your feelings of feeling alone.
Can you ask Miss Monica are there other moms she knows maybe who want to meet up with a pal ? with babes similar ages

Fertilised has some good suggestions
My Little Drummer boys

Delenn said...

You definately need to go do something fun on the weekends. Tell hubby to take a break! You need it! Just getting out and doing something will help your isolation feeling. I totally get you on the mommy groups. I still don't know how to socialize with mom's and my son is 9!

Mel said...

Feeling lonely sucks and it always seems to happen when we MOST need interaction in our lives.
I do hope you can find a good balance. I would absolutely lose my mind if my best friend moved away. :(
*hugs*

Ginny said...

Visiting from NaComLeavMo. You go through many things when becoming a mom, sorry you are having some problems. I went back to work with my first & then quit after having my second. I miss work a lot and having adults to talk to. I never really found any moms to connect with at home, but I have found some great people over the years online. Maybe try searching for your interests. I'm a scrapbooker, and I was able to find some scrapbook groups geared towards mom. They were fun since we had similar interests.

Cibele said...

I so understand how you feel. HUGS!

Dreamer4agift said...

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely...I wish I could do something to help. You'll get back into the groove, though, I'm sure. Ppl that have dealt with IF are very resilient and you're a great mom already.

Eliza said...

Dunno what to tell ya, except that I wish you lived closer because I'd totally hang out with you :) Greetings from NaComLeavMo land...I'll be back...

Nine said...

I know how hard it is to meet friends you really connect with an adult. Keep trying though- I'm sure it's just temporary!

Emily (Apron Strings) said...

Yes, I've been working my way UP the NCLM list and have stumbled on yours !

Although I'm (still) not a Mom (but I will be one day, come h*ll or high water) ... I can relate to how difficult it is to find that "go to" person. It's strange how the older we get, the harder it is to find good IRL friends.

Wishing you the best in finding new friends ....

JamieD said...

Emily said it perfect - I have found so many people on-line that I connect so well with, it is hard to compare IRL. It is hard to when your husband is gone so much - I am sure you miss him terribly!


I hope some new doors and new acquaintences open for you soon, until then we will all be here!!

From NaComLeavMo

Jason and Samantha said...

((HUGS))

I understand what you mean as socializing as a new mom. It's been tough for me as well. There are no mommy groups here, and all my friends have older children. So it's been kind of tough.

Good Luck. Too bad we don't live closer. We could commiserate together.

Samantha (NCLM)

The Town Criers said...

I hear you--it's hard. I feel like it also comes in spurts--you find your groove, you lose it, you find your groove, you lost it. And this is just that part beforehand, where things click and you find a great group.

The Dunn Family said...

Move to NJ! Mine are just a tad older, but they can teach your son all the good stuff, like holding up his head, sitting up, crawling etc!

It's tough going back to work, and I remember feeling SO guilty for looking forward to it. I miss my kids like nuts, but I really enjoy my career, and now that I've been back at work for 8 month, I have absolutely reconciled that I am both mom and working career person, as well as a wife.

I've met some nice moms just chatting at drop off/pick up at daycare. At least you know they are working parents too, so you start off with something in common!

Queenie. . . said...

I think this is kind of true whether you have kids or not--life is constantly changing, and you go through periods where the friends you have don't exactly fit the life you're living at any given time. Are there activities that you enjoy that you can do with a baby? My local movie theater has movie times that are just for mothers with babies, for example. The lighting is higher, and no one complains if someone is crying. I know there is mother-baby yoga near me, too (which I bet is a great way to meet other liberal moms!). Etc. Good luck to you--I have no doubt you'll find your way soon.

Kimi said...

This is so true but at the same time, I lived in Houston and knew a large number of moms interested in the things you are. They tend to frequent livejournal and are very active, FYI. :) Good luck.