Monday, September 17, 2007

Barren Bitches Book Tour: Love and Other Impossible Pursuits

This was a very interesting book. Within a good relationship story there were a lot of issues covered: infidelity, blended families, miscarriage, and loss. I was intrigued by the Carolyn character, since no one can be that much of a bitch.......can they? I would like to have more of a peek into her experience, but that will have to be for the next book, hmmm? I locve the titel because love is so complicated in all of its forms. In a relationship wit your spouse, parents, children and yourself. Nothing is black and white. Emilia was not always a nice person or a likable one and I appreciated that very much. The conflict I felt about some of her actions made the book much more that just a "fun read". It made me examine some of my own feelings about relationships I have or used to have in my life.

Now, on to the questions...............


Emilia debates participating in the Walk to Remember and questions whether grief counseling or support groups really help when confronted with tragedy. What are your feelings about counseling and support groups? Do you feel that they have some merit?

I think that grief of any kind can be a lonely experience. The reason I started my blog was because I felt a certain amount of loneliness when confronted with my fertility or lack thereof. When people say "support group" it often brings to mind a circle of folding chairs in a church basement with sensitive ponytail man leading the group. IN this day and age I see a lot of different kinds of support groups. As I mentioned before, this blogging community has been a tremendous source of support for me and I know that there are many others who would agree!


As Emilia is grieving over the loss of Isabel, she mentions that her friend Mindy's miscarriage is not nearly the same as losing a child that you have held in your arms. How did this comment affect you? Did you agree that despite her efforts, Mindy is unable to relate to her and that the experiences are totally different?

I have never experienced Emilia or Mindy's loss, but I am always very hesitant to try to judge other's pain by my own. That comment made me uncomfortable. It would be a nightmare beyond my reckoning to wake up and find that my baby was dead. Even now it sends shivers down my spine. At the same time, I live with the fear every day that something will happen to my unborn child and I will have a miscarriage. Perhaps it isn't about whether or not their pain is the same kind of pain because they are two different people with a lifetime of different experiences. I think that the experiences are totally different but that does not mean that one outranks the other, even though society might judge it to be that way. As far as being able to relate to someone else's pain I have to say again that Emilia's anger towards Mindy's wanting to relate to her is wrapped up in Emilia's own anger over the whole situation.


Do you think that Jack was supportive of Emilia's task for watching William on Wednesday? Should Emilia have to maintain the same demands/lifestyle standards has Carolyn placed upon William's nanny?

It seemed to me that Jack was a little out of touch with that whole situation. Emilia wanted to prove that she was ok and tough and Jack wanted to believe that they could continue to function as a (somewhat) normal family. I also thought that Jack should have stuck up for Emilia a little more when it came to Carolyn's extremely strict way of doing.....everything. Maybe he felt guilty - I don't know. No, I don't think that Emilia should have had to keep the insanity going while she had William in the afternoons. Rather than a time to get to know each other it became stressful for Emilia as she wondered what mistake she would make next.

8 comments:

Fertilize Me said...

I really loved this book. It allowed me to go through my own internal struggles

The Town Criers said...

I totally agree. I think there's still a need for the face-to-face support group, but I've found a lot more comfort from those I've "met" online.

Kristen said...

I also think that support groups are often underrated. I think with infertility in particular, it is important to have our feelings validated and to know that there are others who feel the same way you do or are going through similar things.

I agree that Jack could have supported Emilia more. But I also agree he felt guilty about the affair and its affect on William. He didn't seem to really mind being the peacemaker. It was like he accepted that lot in life.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Ayelet said...

Hey guys, thanks so much for reading! One of the things I experienced with my own loss (second trimester pregnancy) was that I hated every one, especially pregnant women. I was just so ANGRY. That's what I was trying to get across with Emilia ... like you said, she's angry at Mindy, but mostly she's just in a state of general rage, shame, guilt.

Drowned Girl said...

I agree that Emilia's bitterness at those who haven't shared her type of loss, comes from anger

Waiting Amy said...

Yes, rage and guilt lead to anger at others. This makes sense to me, and I too have felt that way.

Thanks for your comments. I agree about Jack and his handling of things too.

Lori said...

I think you pegged question #3.

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