Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Urban Legends

*Photo of a baby at the bottom of this post.*


I held out my arms to the nurse and she put many, many different allergens on my skin to see what I am allergic to, exactly. (Nothing, except for this one type of mold that is everywhere.) Having seen on my chart that I just had a baby, the nurse aksed me, "So, when are you going to have number two?" I would get offended, but many people have asked me this question. It makes my head hurt. Not just because the thought of having two seems pretty exhausting, but the process of getting pregnant seems exausting. Going back to the RE to finish the blood work we never got to and waiting and taking temperatures and peeing on sticks..... When I expressed these feelings to a good friend she told me, "I bet you get pregnant right away with the next one. Your pipes are clean now." As lovely as the imagary of clean pipes is, the idea that I might fall into one of the Urban Legends of Pregnancy seems too good to be true. Here are the top three that I hear:





3. Clean Pipes: A woman your friend knows tried to get pregnant for x years and then finally did. Then, thinking she was "safe" gets pregnant while breastfeeding.





2. Almost IVF: On the eve of starting your first IVF cycle, you find out that you're pregnant! (This actually happened to a friend of mine and it was wonderful news!)





1. The pregnancy after adoption!! After adopting a beautiful child, the woman gets pregnant. This allows people to say to you, "Just adopt and you will get pregnant!" Everyone's favorite.





I don't know if these technically qualify as "urban legends" since I am sure we all know at least one person who has experienced such things. I only know that I can't think about any of that right now. I am just trying to appreciate what I have in this moment without worrying about the future. At least for the next nine months.





Tell me your favorite - or least favorite - urban pregnancy legends. Are you one yourself?





My husband took this wonderful picture of Luke and I this weekend. Being married to a professional photographer has its upside.



30 comments:

Amy said...

Kate...no pg legends here. Just wanted to say thanks for the card and beautiful pic!

Fertilized said...

"just relax"

Kate - You and Luke are absolutely beautiful!

sara said...

Great picture! Hmm, well my parents actually got pregnant with me when they were 40. They had tried to have kids for 17 years and had adopted my brother and sister 8 and 10 years prior, and had long stopped trying to have kids. Then bam! My mom was pregnant with me, and they couldn't believe it. But I try not to tell too many people with infertility that story since it is definitely not the norm.

JJ said...

OH Kate, what a beautiful picture!

"You just need to relax, it'll happen" I spit fire every time I hear it...

seussgirl said...

Awww...like the cutest picture EVER! :)
Almost as annoying as when are you ready for #2 are all the people who assume we'd automatically be done since we had twins. Since were almost "done" before we began, we understand that there are no guarantees, but why do people feel so free to assume they know how big we want our families to be?

surpriseofunfolding said...

I am surprised to say I am a bit of a pg legend. OUr dx involved MF, and our fourth IUI cycle brought us our miracle. Fast forward to us consulting the RE for #2, getting all the tests done, and being ready to start cycling. Then we cancel that month, and lo & behold - get pg w/o assistance that cycle.

I still don't understand why, since MF was our issue. I am very grateful for it though.

maybe I was "just relaxing" aaaarrrrgggghhhhh.

Here from NCLM!

lifelemons said...

That picture is so adorable! I hate the "urban legends" so far I haven't given anyone the chance to use them. When they ask I just respond: "Yes, we are going to start trying again next year." It always floors people, I used at the dentist (and the dentist knows I have fertility issues) yesterday and I thought the girl might fall out of her chair. I followed it up with: "I love having babies."

armsforanangel said...

That picture is so precious!

I hear the adoptin one ALL THE TIME (considering.) I always want to scream that my son is not a pregnancy tool. He will not help me pro-create. Nope, in the end I will have needed reconstructive surgery on my uterus, IVF, and donor eggs. Yet, I just *know* sure as punch somebody will say it was the adoption if and when this cycle next month works.

I should start the hunt for responses to that.

~Jess said...

What an awesome picture of you two. My husband is not very adept at photography, but I wish he was.

No PG legends for me. As much as I would like to be one, I hate for it to be cliched.

twithhoney said...

That is a beautiful picture of the two of you!

I'm one of those legends that got pregnant during the month we took a break from meds and procedures.

Now we are trying for #2 and I'm not doing anything. No charting. No temp taking. No meds. Nothing other than, well, you know.

My doc is teasing me that odd years seem to be good for me since Princess was born in 05, I had a chemical pregnancy in 07. She is predicting that I'll get pregnant in the latter half of this year with a due date sometime in 09. Let's hope she's right and that the new urban legend of 'only popping an egg every other year' is true.

Nine said...

"If you relax and stop thinking about it, you'll get pregnant." Ugh!

Your son is adorable!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I don't have any others, but I'll ditto the ones you posted.

Luke is adorable!

Chris said...

BEAUTIFUL picture!

I'm Urban Legend #2 and I'm completely embarassed by it. For real. We sought out a new clinic for IVF (had done 6 IUI cycles with another clinic) - the new RE is the one that did my first beta.

I hate telling this story - it just lends itself so nicely to the whole "just relax" thing.

Dr. Bad Ass said...

Well, I don't have any legend. But your post reminds me of the problem with people's anecdotes -- just because something happened to one person I know doesn't mean it will happen commonly . . .

Here from NaComLeavmo.

La La said...

Yep, I think they qualify as urban legends! And UGH they make me want to scream. Even though I know that they DO happen, it is totally impossible that they would happen for ME and so they drive me nuts. Cute huh? lol

Tam said...

I wont even go there, there are way too many things that get me upset nowdays!!

Love the pic, just beautiful!!

Tam said...

I wont even go there, there are way too many things that get me upset nowdays!!

Love the pic, just beautiful!!

DC said...

I may have to add a few of these to my list:

http://lupuspie.blogspot.com/2008/05/ten-things-never-to-say-to-someone.html

Dreamer4agift said...

A beautiful picture:)

"Why don't you prop your butt up after sex" Cuz, yeah, I never tried that one before...just never thought of it in the 3 yrs of trying! grr.

seriously? said...

Hi from NCLM. That is a great picture. My favorite one is "you're trying to hard, stop trying and it will happen." Really? People think that is going to help?

Oh boy.

Geohde said...

I know a woman who managed legend #2.

Is it uncharitable to admit that I wanted to kick her everytime people referred to her during my IVF's?

J

JamieD said...

I have a friend who got pregnant naturally when her IVF triplets were 9 months old. Shocker, to say the least.

So it really isn't a 'legend' but it still doesn't make me feel any better about my own IF.

It also makes me cringe when people talk about how they knew they would get pregnant right away because they come from a fertile family. Hellooooo!! That is what all mothers tell their teenage daughters!

Great pic, BTW!

Echloe said...

Wow. That is an adorable photo

For your urban legend collection.
-i've heard lose a few pounds
-relax
-and 3 months of acupuncture and herbs will get you pregnant.

Visiting from NCLM

Tanya said...

Great picture. That's the one thing I miss about being single. I specifically have to ask someone to take a picture of me and the baby... and I hate to get my picture taken but I do ask.

I hate that for some people pregnancy happens so easily. My next door neighbour told me the other day that her 4th was a bit of a surprize... 8 years after her husbands vasectomy. I also know a couple who had a surprise after she had her tubes tied... it was twins. It just seems so wrong when some people want it so much.

Kim said...

Great picture! Before kids we gor - relax, take a vacation and get drunk - it worked for us! NCLM

C said...

Beautiful picture of you and your son.

Did you know that some people can only get pregnant on vacation?! Yeah, seriously. So go take a cruise!! (eye roll)

Via NaComLeavMo

Kelly D said...

My favorite was "you and your husband are just not having sex enough." Then he went on to say, "Young kids these days just don't try long enough."

littleangelkisses said...

What a great picture!

Rachel said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Luke is adorable!

Rebecca said...

That is a lovely photo!

I DO know of someone who was "thisclose" in the adoption journey and she got pregnant. This was more than 30 years ago.

NCLM