Monday, July 28, 2008


I feel that things are finally, finally clicking into place in my life. Luke is growing (and growing) and becoming better able to entertain himself. This is better for us since he can play on a quilt or spend time in his ExerSaucer while I make dinner. There is a bitter sweetness to it when I realize this is just the beginning of the formation of his own Independence from me. I no longer drag to work in a zombie state of being since Luke now sleeps better, as well. With this new sense of semi-freedom, I now have time to think about then and now.

Then, I had time for my favorite things: reading, cooking, writing, going out or just staying in to watch a movie. Now, I can fit in some of these things, if M has time to watch Luke or in the event of a long nap. I am ok with that. I will always choose to spend time with my family before anything else. Lately, though, I have been feeling a lack of inspiration in the other parts of my life. The things that I used to find joy in doing don't seem to challenge me as they used to.

I feel very strongly that one of the ways that I can be a good parent to Luke is to be a person with her own interests outside of "mommyhood". Even though I wanted very badly to become a parent and am very grateful that I am one, it is not something that defines me 100%. I am not just a mother, I am also I mother. The interest in photography is one of the ways I am trying to branch out so that I can have something that I enjoy and benefits the family. I am getting used to always carrying a camera with me, which I never used to do. I think its going pretty well, although the subject matter is somewhat limited (but very cute).

Now that I have had to redefine myself I am looking for inspiration. I am looking for that spark that hits you when hear or see something that makes you stop and think. I am inspired by my son and my wonderful husband, absolutely, but I feel the need to find external challenges and meaning, as well.

Where do you find inspiration? Where do you go when you are feeling as if you need a boost to your inner self?


Fertilized said...

Great job with the picture. Lately My inspiration has been a tad low - But normally I go to the beach and listen to the waves. I know that is not an option for everyone and I sometimes take that for granted

Kendrawolf said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm a bit late coming around, but I work the weekend, so that's the excuse I'll use.
As for inspiration... it's God all the way for me baby! I've learned THAT the hard way (because that's the way I learn everything in life!)

Artblog said...

Hey, I have the EXACT same fisher price swinger in the forest theme :) they're fab aren't they!


Chris said...

Inevitably, I find myself wandering 'round the book store when I need to catch my breath and refocus. Pre-baby, I could spend HOURS there (especially when my husband was traveling so much for work). Nowadays, I feel like I'm on borrowed time when I manage an hour. Truthfully, I don't like being away from her much longer then that on the weekends. I feel like our time is so fleeting.

TeamWinks said...

Read. I really enjoy reading on many different subjects. I also think time spent away with my girlfriends is a lot of fun!

Piccinigirl said...

great picture...

I find that the time we commute I am reading again, I am trying to watch the movies that Netfl*ix sends instead of just sending them back, I keep up with celebrity gossip and we have USA network on as much as we do Noggin. I too find that if I can "find myself" from time to time I also have more energy and love and life to share with Mr Kir and the boys. It's not easy, but it's getting there. :)