Friday, May 08, 2009

Mother's Day Revamp


I always feel a little bit conflicted about Mother's Day. It's not something that sprang from infertility. It started much earlier than that. I have a distinct memory from my childhood of my mother angrily doing dishes and saying to us, "Well, Happy Mother's Day to me!" I didn't understand why she wasn't happy with the cards that my brother and I made for her and I still don't understand why my father didn't make more of an effort to make her feel special so that her young children didn't have to feel guilty about not doing enough. Of course, I'm not sure anything could have made my mother happy.

These are the memories that come to me when M asks me what I want for Mother's Day. I would be happy with just a card or a nice day together as a family. I'm happy to be a mom every day. M really does make an effort to let me know I'm appreciated and not just once a year. I guess that's my beef with"greeting card holidays". Why can't we make the effort to appreciate each other all of the time?

That being said, maybe Mother's Day should be used as a day of reflection. I read an article online that really made me think. I freely admit that I have fallen victim to the worrying mom syndrome. I look at Luke and instead of seeing a beautiful boy, I see a slow teether who is almost 15 months and still won't pick up and eat anything that isn't a cracker-type thing or a cheerio and still eats a lot of jarred food. Worry, worry, worry. Why can't I focus on the fact that he's perfectly healthy, speaks a hand full of words, loves books and loves to run? Not only are we afraid of how others will judge us, but we are our own worst critics. It's natural to want to protect your kids from everything, but have we gone too far? If you have time, read this commentary. I don't agree 100% with the philosophy, but I do think that she has a point. We judge other moms and dads too much. I'm not talking about the decisions that can cause real harm to a child, but the ones about diet and TV and toys. If, with all of the information that's out there, a parent makes a decision that's different than the one you would have made, then so be it. I am just as bad as anyone when it comes to this kind of thing, but I am going to try to be better.

Motherhood has changed a lot in the last 50 years. We are older, we struggle more to conceive, more of us work outside the home and all of us feel the pressure to be superwoman. I propose that this Mother's Day, whether you are currently a mom, trying to be one, or will soon be one, take this day to appreciate yourself. Take Sunday as a day to forgive yourself and others for decisions that you may have questioned. Look around you and appreciate what you have and hope that it will get even better!

13 comments:

Courtney said...

Beautifully written. Have a wonderful Mother's Day on Sunday, and every day.

*Love the picture of your boys!

Delenn said...

I have always had mixed feelings on mother's day, but more based on my own mother and the issues I have with her. I always feel obligated to wish her a happy one, even tho I don't think she was much of one.

My son, being 10, will make some crappy craft object in school. And I will cry when he gives it to me. Not because of the gift, but because of him.

Oh, and I get to sleep in and go to my fav restuarant...I like that! ;-)

Happy Mother's Day

Somewhat Ordinary said...

This is probably one of the most beautifully written Mother's Day posts I've read.

I hope you have a lovely day on Sunday!

Fertilized said...

This made my cry. Not that it takes much these days but this is a very beautiful sentiment.

Happy Mother's Day to Everyone. Trying, Not trying, Participating in Parenthood or anything in between

Aunt Becky said...

Great post, duder. I've had conflicting issues with Mother's Day for years and I never know how to resolve them. Perhaps therapy. Perhaps vodka. Perhaps both?

Happy Mother's Day to you.

alicat413 said...

love this post! thanks for reminding me to cut myself some slack. i needed it. really.

AKA "Meesh" said...

I love this post. : ) I don't have the best Mother's Day memories from childhood either. It's a struggle to come to terms with the VAST differences between then and now...

Thank you for sharing this!! xoxo

JJ said...

It is a bitter sweet day, for sure--but I will never take it for granted.
Hope you had a lovely day, sweetie. You're getting close to Mommy x 2!

ms. c said...

Happy Mother's day, Kate.
A beautiful post.

docgrumbles said...

Happy Belated Mother's Day.

Good post.

Love the picture of your wonderful child, wonderful just as he is.

lifelemons said...

Happy Mother's Day!

Han is a slow teether too. She had four teeth for a while and then all of a sudden she had almost six on top and three on the bottom. It's very strange. My friends baby was practically born with teeth, lol. You are doing everything great for Luke so try not to worry! You family is beautiful and healthy!

taylord said...

your baby is stupid you should kill robots with me!!!! im the ruler of earth!!!

taylord said...

your baby sucks you should join the rkc (robot killing club)