Chapter 1

As another two week wait comes to a close I have been begun to gear up for what I was always most afraid of - going to the doctor. After almost a year of trying it is time to face facts. We may need help. To those who are seasoned veterans to the roller coaster that is conception, this statement must seem naive. I could still be on this path one, two, three years from now. Maybe even longer.

I have managed to escape my life as an adult with only the yearly well-woman exam. Well, woman, this may be the start of a grand adventure complete with medical devices stuck in places where they don't belong and a clinical knowledge of the female reproductive system.

This week was long and emotional. Forget, for a moment, the PMS hormones, but every time I turned on the TV I saw people grieving. When I got home from work on Friday I watched as numerous news helicopters circled the Space Center so that they wouldn't miss a moment of someone's personal tragedy.

I have unfulfilled desires in my life, but it is still a good life. It is easy for me to become immersed in my own wishes and goals. I know I do not count my blessings as often as I should. It gave me a slightly different perspective on what I was about to experience. I am enough of a Mid-Westerner to tell myself that all we can do is gather the information and try our best. It may be painful and there will certainly be moments that aren't fun, but this is it. This is the way it is going to have to go for us. Not everyone gets the story they want, but that doesn't mean they can't have their happy ending.

M is pacing in the kitchen waiting for his breakfast cookies to come out of the oven.
I do love that man.
Who says I don't have any kids?