Friday, June 29, 2007

Stop the Madness

Right before lunch I went to the restroom and there were two, dime-sized spots of light brown on my pantie liner. Total and complete panic ensued. All of a sudden I was thinking that my breasts weren't as sore as they were yesterday and my temp had gone down .8 degrees, blah, blah, blah. I turn to my arch nemesis Dr. Google who gives me answers that range from "don't worry" to "OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO DIE". I called the RE's nurse triage line.

I went in at 2:30 and came out with a little less blood and a prescription for some lovely vaginal suppositories. I went home to put them in the fridge and I took another pregnancy test just to make sure I didn't hallucinate the whole thing. I also sat down and did some deep breathing meditation for five minutes which helped. In less than twelve hours I went from gazing at a positive test to reading directions about how to stick progesterone popsicles up my va-jay-jay. Nice.

There has been not spotting since this morning. I know this because I go to the restroom to check every minute or so. Now, I can't tell if I'm having cramps or gas or both. Help me. Please.


Leah said...

Just when you think you leave the stress of the 2WW behind, you enter the stress of trying to *sustain* a pregnancy. It's maddening and draining and will send you right over the edge if you let it.

Keep in mind that no amount of fretting on your part will change the outcome. This sounds so contrite, so patronizing, but it's should TRULY enjoy every day, every minute, every moment that you are pregnant. God willing, it will last a long and arduous 9+ months.

This all sounds so lovely and rational, but I was a raving lunatic each time I got a + HPT so I know just where you are coming from. I also bled for the first 6+ weeks of 2 of my pregnancies. That adds a whole new dimension of terror. The fact that you are now taking a suppository that will definitely, um, leak from your tunnel of love, will surely drive you stark raving mad from the number of panty-check bathroom trips alone.

Brown blood is so, so, so normal. Usually that's old implantation bleeding that is just taking it's time to work it's way out. Take a deep breath (or 10 or 12) and try to be thrilled, elated, over-the-moon happy that you are pregnant. Even if it's just for 2 minutes at a time.

Much easier said than done, I know. Caution, disbelief, and worry are our constant companions in IF. Dirty rat bastards, I just with they would leave you alone and not be so suffocatingly (is that a word?) constantly companionious (I *know* that's not a word).

Since I'm clearly babbling and just making nonsense words up, I'll stop rambling. I've got my fingers crossed, I'm praying like crazy, and I'm thinking about you all the time.

Cibele said...

OMG Kate , I did not even know that you got a BFP, OMG... I hope that all is ok and that the progesterone will stop the spotting.. take care and I have my fingers crossed

elle said...

Holey Moley! A lot has happened today. Congrats! I'm really happy for you. I'm sorry your day was so scary and nervewracking. Those deep breathing exercises sounded like they were helpful. Keep doing that and definitely ban Dr. Google from the premises. (I hate Dr. Google! He knows exactly which buttons to push to make you freak.) Think about all the good thoughts that are flying through the blogiverse right now, on their way to strengthen and comfort you.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

The suppositories aren't really all that bad and hopefully they will ease your mind that your little one is holding on! Wishing you all the best!

Becks said...

Just caught up on your last 2 posts...I SO hope you are heading for the best news ever. Thinking of you.

KarenO said...

I'll be praying for you very hard! Take care of yourself!

Courtney said...

You are in my thoughts and I will be anxiously waiting to hear (and possibly see) all of those positive tests that are in your future. :)

Janna said...

I know the feeling you get when you see brown glad you got the suppositories and that they seem to be helping!!! But I do have one word of advice...put down the'll drive you insane!! ;o) Congratulations again!!!!!