The Halloween party was a lot of fun and I have included a picture of M and I. Please notice the 80's glasses on M (he actually wore those in the 80s) and the cigarettes in my sleeve. It was a good party and I'm really glad we went!
LJ wrote a post this week that touched upon the way we sometimes feel like the parents of our parents. I have been going through this a lot lately. My parents have always been sort of unusual. They are self-proclaimed "old hippies" with liberal political views and lots of animals in the house. That part never bothered me before, but now that I think about bringing my child there, I feel differently. The house is so cluttered and full of, well, crap that they don't need. I want to scream.
My mother suffered from an eating disorder and depression for most of my childhood and although she now gets help and is definitely not the woman who raised me, our relationship has never recovered. We are not best friends. I don't call her when I've had a bad day or when M and I have a fight. Every time I do confide in her, she so desperately wants to make up for the crappy parent she used to be, I just end up feeling like I'm being treated like a child. I have made my peace with that, but she has not. She is the kind of person that will plough ahead and do what she set out to do regardless of the wishes of the people her actions impact the most. From the moment M and I got married, all she could talk about was grandkids. Now, she is finally getting what she has wanted for so long, yet she remains uninterested in cleaning the house or being more vigilant about her health. It worries me so much and nothing that I express to her gets through. I end up trying to clean the house every time I go over there, but I know that it will simply go back to the way it was. My dad? He just doesn't seem to get it either. I know I need to let this go, and I would if it were just me. Now, though, I just think that I don't want to bring my baby over there. My brother and I have both tried talking to them, but it just isn't getting through. Am I going to have to use my child as a threat? If anyone else has gone through this or something similar to this, I would really appreciate some comments. It's on my mind all of the time and I really don't know what to do.
8 years ago