Monday, December 03, 2007

Home Stretch


It dawned on me when we walked into our first prenatal class on Wednesday that I am just days away from being in my last trimester. This morning when I was putting on my make-up I found the first pregnancy test I took with the + in the little window. I don't think it's something I will put in the baby book, but I just can't bear to throw it away. On that morning when I first stared in disbelief at that piece of plastic, nine months seemed so far away. I couldn't even imagine what I would look like with a large belly or how it would feel walking through the park with a stroller. It was beyond my imagination. Now, we're pricing cribs and registering for shower gifts and I'm wondering if I can come back to work part-time for a while.

I don't want to loose touch with the scared person that I was. I don't want to forget what it felt like have that outside looking in feeling. If I forget, then I might not appreciate what I have, and I do appreciate it. More than anything. As plans become more concrete and the realness of this situation sinks in, I have a lot of fears. I am not afraid of labor or delivery, I am afraid of what happens after that. I could tell you every hormone that is running through my veins right now and what is going on with the baby's development, but what's next? When the baby is finally here, will I measure up?

Is it ok to be afraid of something that you have wanted so badly for so long?

12 comments:

Chris said...

Congrats on hitting another big milestone!

On a side note, I'm terribly impressed that you're still wearing makeup :-)

Becks said...

Of course its ok to still have fears. I am sure you will be a natural!

Not long to go now!!

TeamWinks said...

Hell yes! I had a four hour warning before we became parents, and those feelings you are having right now didn't even enter my mind. However, once we held him, I was terrified! He didn't come with a manual, and I am a manual reading kind of girl. I still worry about how I'm doing and he's seven months old.

What I can say is that you will do the best you can, and that's all that counts.

Fertilize Me said...

Yes ..it is ok to be afraid. I think it makes you more aware of your surrroundings and the blessings - and if you are scared, it means that you know the value and lesson of not making right choices. Which i KNOW you will make all the right choices,..because you are afraid! SO congrats to you on having this all feel real

Courtney said...

Normal! Completely normal!!! And congratulations on getting to the third trimester. :) You are almost there!!! I'm so excited for you!

Mands said...

I think that even those of us who have not yet made it, have those fears.
I am so pleased that you're reaching the twilight of your pregnancy :-) and hope that the rest goes very smoothly.
The idea of parenthood is terrifying, but so exciting at the same time.

Caro said...

Seems entirely normal to me.

JJ said...

Yahoo! Glad you are into the last leg -and we all are anxious to meet the little one!

Dont let the fears grip you too tight--I know you are aware of the struggles it took to get where you are!

lifelemons said...

YAY! Almost third trimester, that is so exciting!

I have been thinking a lot about this lately too and am feeling slightly panicked! (We start our class next month)

Delenn said...

Totally normal feelings. I remember when I came home with my son, that post-partum depression and all those hormones kicked into overdrive. I was totally scared to death! My life would NEVER be the same!!! Would I ever sleep!?!?

He's eight years old now, and I cannot tell you how much I cannot imagine life without him.

AND, I am STILL starting to get a little scared about the next one...

seussgirl said...

I hope it's okay, b/c I'm also freaked out!
And I also worry that I'll lose the sensitivity to others that our long struggle has instilled in me. It's sometimes easy to get caught up in the joy that we've finally found, that it's hard to remember others are still where we were.
Congratulations!

Blissfully Teal said...

This seems so long ago now. You are such an awesome, confident mom can you believe you were ever even worried:-)