Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Am Legend

About a week ago I realized that I was late. It didn't really bother me since my cycles have been slightly longer lately, but with the same late ovulation and short luteal phase. I had one lonely little pregnancy test left over from those days and decided it might be sort of liberating to POAS, get a negative, and be ok with that. Except for one thing. It wasn't negative. I stared at that stick for what seemed like an eternity. This has to be some sort of fucking joke, I thought to myself. When I told M he just looked at me like I just started speaking Chinese. Several hours and three positive tests later I was in my OB's office getting a blood draw.

After calling several times for my results I realized why it was so frustrating. At the RE's office, every pregnancy is a miracle. At the regular OBs office, you're just another woman who's knocked up. When I finally got a nurse on the phone I found out that my beta was good (1900) but my progesterone was really, really low (8.9). I don't know if anyone has ever taken progesterone troches, but they dissolve in your mouth and it's not fun. Three times a day I would have to have this square piece of peppermint flavored yuck between my cheek and gums. Then the spotting started, anyway. I called my OB begging for suppositories and she said that I needed to go back to the RE.

This morning I went to Dr. Fast's office. I have to admit that I am more comfortable there. The quiet waiting room and the attention you get is a nice change from the OB's office. (I really do love my OB, though) I was questioned, more blood was taken, and then I had a date with my old friend the dildo cam. I kept telling myself that whatever happened, it would be ok. We weren't even planning this. There is something in there, for sure, but it may be too early to see a heartbeat. The Dr. showed me a flicker that looked like a heart was trying to start, but he insisted that given my late ovulation date, it was too early.

I feel numb. I am in shock. Luke is 8 months old. This was supposed to be hard for us, and now that it has happened without conscientiously planning it, I am very cautious. I don't think I'll be able to really acknowldege this until I see a steady, measurable heart beat. Am I one of those urban legends of pregnancy? I don't know, but I am scared and definitely freaked out.

I am keeping this on the DL for right now, as you can probably understand. If you know me in "real life" or on facebook, please keep in mind that I really don't plan on telling my family or in-person friends for quite a while.

Thanks for listening.

44 comments:

Cheryl Ann said...

Wow. What big news! Congratulations, you medical miracle, you ;)

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. Wow. That's really exciting. You are totally legend! I had to do progesterone suppositories with this wee one, and yeah, no fun there, either.

Danielle said...

Holy smoke. If things progress, we can commiserate about having children less than 2 years apart. Wow, Kate. Hang in there. Thinking of you and sending you hugs from the MS.

Amy said...

WOW! Congratulations!

Kate said...

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph.

Keep me posted.

Isn't life funny?!

MrsSpock said...

Congrats- and surprise!

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Wow! Congratulations :-) I understand the freaked out and I'm sending a hug as well.

Mel said...

WOW! Gosh darnit if our bodies don't have their own damn agendas. Congratulations!
My RE told us if we want a second to start trying a 6 months post partum and I just rolled my eyes, but I have read so many stories like yours... and it is quite telling.
*hugs*

Courtney said...

Holy hell! I am sending you a cautious congratulations. :) Maybe the legend is not so 'urban' after all...

Chris said...

Holy crap! CONGRATS.

Keep updating!!

Fertilized said...

i was just thinking about this in the shower today. i just said "it's about time one of us that just had a baby to break out a positive stick"

sending you lots of hugs

Delenn said...

What a whammy! A pensive congrats there! Wow. Not what you expected at all. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you.

darcie said...

WOWSA! What news! Hailey was not quite 8 months when we got pregnant with our son ~ It really truly will be ok...I wouldn't have it any other way in our house!
CONGRATS...

Christa said...

I'm fucking speechless!!

Holy shitballs kate!! It's wonderful and I hope hope hope all will be ok!!

Off to read the urban legend now...

Becky said...

Holy crap! Feels like just yesterday you were saying summer sounded like a good time for number two. I guess the uterus took that to mean arriving in the summer instead of conceiving then!

Sending lots of love and thoughts of hard working progesterone for this little squirt. So excited for you guys and only a little jealous. :)

Amanda said...

Wow wow wow!!!! Congrats!!! I have my fingers and toes all crossed for you!!!

Stella said...

WOW! good thing I read that last paragraph, I was just about to FB you!!

What an incredible miracle.

seussgirl said...

Wow! How exciting to be on that side of urban legends. :)
Will be praying for you in your cautious state!

Waiting Amy said...

Yes, WOW! Cautiously excited for you. Having now done twins, I think you'll be able to handle things. Keep us posted!

alicat413 said...

holy crappola!! what a great surprise! (even it is a little hard to digest just as first!) hope so much it all works out & you have a beautiful healthy baby 9 months from now!

hugs from milaca

JJ said...

Kate! Wow-I am excited and a bit speechless--as Im sure you have been quite a few times! Wishing you the BEST!!!!

butterflyanla said...

wow, I mean HOlY COW!!

abadmommy said...

oh.my.goodness.

i am still in shock at your news, cant even imagine how you must be feeling.

wishing you the best of luck, all the strength courage and patience in the world.

aimee said...

congrats!! funny how our bodies have plans of their own! sending you lots of positive vibes!!

Katie J said...

omg! Congratulations Kate!
I'll be thinking of you and hoping everything goes well!
::HUGS::

Leah said...

Wow, wow, wow, wow. This is amazing! And wonderful!

Shelby said...

Holy cow!! This is totally amazing. Just wow!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Shut the F up!! How awesome!!!! You are Legend! No more wine glasses clinking on FB, but I'll keep it on the DL. I had to do the progesterone suppositories and THOSE were not fun. Keep us posted - I'll be thinking of you!

lifelemons said...

Holy Shit! Congratulations! I was so not expecting to read this today! I am so happy for you! I hope your progesterone gets itself together! I always hated that part too!

Kate said...

Holy crap, that is amazing. And scary. And exciting. And oh my. You are totally a legend! And I am so glad this 'legendary' stuff happens to such great people. I have a friend who had a similar experience. Many years of trying, one failed IVF, baby conceived on 2nd IVF, baby turns 6 month and boom! she is pregnant with #2, completely naturally.

I hope your progesterone numbers go up and it all continues to be one fantastic miracle for the next nine months.

Artblog said...

So so so so so happy that you managed it at all. sort of a recurring fantasy of mine, only I know the other hald is agaisnt it and I'm on the pill but still my fantasy :)

praying it works out great for you, I love reading posts like these. X

Kellie said...

A friend of mine was a "medical miracle" as well. Her OB told her they'd probably never conceive naturally and to not even bother w/ birth control b/c they wouldn't need it. Guess what happened? And then 8-9 months after she gave birth they were preggo again. Two miracle babies. Either that or the doc was completely off his rocker. :)

Congrats to you though and I'm sending good thoughts/prayers your way!

Kristen said...

Wow - congratulations! I know it was unexpected and some of the greatest things are. I can't wait to hear more about your journey! XOXO

ms. c said...

WOWOWOWOW. I am just speechless. You are indeed an legend, my friend!

I hope the progesterone level are on the up and up, and the next u/s shows a nice strong heartbeat.

A big hug to you.

nancy said...

Congrats!!!

I went through IF with my first and then on the first month of non-protected sex, I was pregnant. My daughter was only 6 months old and I was already over 4 weeks pregnant. It happens! (but then I had to go through hell for #3). Just accept your good fortune!

alicia said...

oh wow! I am hoping all the best for you and the bean! when is your next u/s? congrats!

Cibele said...

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nine said...

holy crap! I can only imagine what a shock this is- congrats and good luck! I'll be thinking of you and sending you hugs!

serenity said...

Holy SHIT! Wow. I can only imagine how shocked you are.

Um congratulations. You are totally legend.

Diana said...

WOW! Oh my, wow!!! Congrats!!!

Dreamer4agift said...

Wow, here I am just reading this!

Wow, wow, wow...crazy stuff goin' on, huh? I hope this all turns out positive. Looking forward to hearing good things.

Sol from Argentina said...

Hope the ultrasounds went well!

Take the opportunity to congratulate you for this newly MOTHERHOOD!

Wishing you all the best
Besos y abrazos
Sol

Marissa said...

AHHHHHHHHHH, how did i miss this post?! CONGRATS!!!

sharah said...

Wow, congratulations!