Friday, July 27, 2007

Get a Grip

I am nothing but a big, neurotic mess. All of the yoga books I read, all of the deep breathing and "staying calm"? Not sinking in. Monday night was a pretty rough night. Tuesday I woke up feeling, well, pretty good. Wednesday I woke up feeling pretty good. The nausea wasn't as bad, my boobs were not as sore, although they have never been terribly sore, anyway. I freaked out. I was convinced that my symptoms had disappeared and that spelled doom. I called the nurse's line at my RE's office and left a message. Then I waited thirty torturous minutes for someone to call me back.

Your nausea has gone away?
Well, not completely, but it's much better.
Have you had any cramping?
Have you had any bleeding?
I think that maybe you're just lucky. Everyone is different.
Well, I keep feeling these sort of pinchy feelings and pulling.
That's your body changing. ( I know she wanted to add "you idiot" at the end of it)

I felt a little silly, but I needed some peace of mind. M tried to make me feel better by telling me stories about our friends who only had 3 days of morning sickness. Yeah, well, they also got pregnant the first month they threw away their birth control pills. My friend MW, who has been through all of this and then some, told me she was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. It was a never ending line of small milestones that kept her sane.

If I think about this logically, I know that everything is likely just fine. After all, my symptoms started almost right away, before I even took a test. I've already had three weeks of morning sickness. From what I remember my mother telling me, her morning sickness didn't last very long and wasn't very severe. It's just reassuring to feel like crap.

My pants are getting tight and I seem to be well on my way to having P.amela A.nderson's figure. Thank you for all of your heartburn suggestions. I have managed to get a handle on it, but I have to really watch what I eat. Also, the thought of eating meat makes me want to gag. I guess I should find comfort in that.

One bright spot this week was that the summer semester has ended! This class was so annoying. I thought it would be valuable and interesting, but it was just busy work. As an educator I am so annoyed by poor instruction. Grad school has been pretty frustrating. Even though I don't teach anymore, I will always think of myself as a teacher, and I will always want to walk up and take over a class when the professor clearly has no talent for communicating the material. Getting off of my soapbox now.

Courtney is beginning her IVF journey, which is very exciting! If you haven't already, head over to Sticky Bun and check out the great news!


hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

AHHH- will the worry never end?!?! It is killing me too. I think things will be better if we can get past the 1st trimester and into big bellies and babies we can feel moving. Of course, then we'll worry if we don't feel the baby moving every second of every day...

Wouldn't the stork be easier for all of us?!?

No, because THEN we'd worry about him getting a wing cramp, or dropping the baby on a hard surface, or carrying the avian flu...

Courtney said...

You are doing great - keep it up! You are well on your way to having a nice round bump with an active baby on the inside. :) You shouldn't hesitate to call the doctor if you feel you need questions answered - that is what they are there for. Peace of mind is priceless!

*Thank you for the nice mention*

lifelemons said...

I had to laugh at this one! Sometimes I have a moment like that too! Glad everything is going well even if you are super worried!

Anonymous said...

So true! You never stop worrying, even when the baby gets here! It's part of the job :) HUGS

Nearlydawn said...

I think that if things go well we are going to do this little mini-roller coaster of paranoia for a while, don't you?

Kate said...

My symptoms almost disappeared around the 10 week mark, and I had a complete freakout about that. In the end, all turned out fine (so far). But I don't think you should beat yourself up for worrying. You are not overreacting. If your anxiety continues, I would call the dr's office again and ask for a scan.

And yes, the worry never ends. I think it actually gets worse once the baby is born.

Inconceivable said...

I am continuing to say prayers for you - its amazing- we want so badly to be pregnant, then we get there and all we can do it worry and freight over it! Good luck to you

Leah said...

How stressful! You cracked me up with the Pamela Anderson comment, that was too funny.

Cibele said...

I guess ne worry will never end, we just have to learn to live with it. Sending well wishes for your pregnancy!!!

Becks said...

I do hope these are just natural worries and you'll get reassurance that eveything is ok soon.