Wednesday, July 18, 2007

It Never Ends

My heart hurts so much for those who have recently gotten news about miscarriages and possible problems with their babies. It also scares the absolute shit out of me. Just as the blog world seemed to have BFPs popping up everywhere, now I seem to notice every negative occurrence. I've started worrying about the heart rate and the next ultrasound. I've started having tornado dreams and even had a dream that I went to the restroom and there was blood in my underwear.

I know that these are anxiety dreams and that all indications from the ultrasound and my symptoms are that everything is fine, but the fear has come back. Time seems to be creeping by, and while I know there are no guarantees no matter where you are in a pregnancy, I would feel so much better if it were already week 12. My symptoms have become my mantra:

Nausea
Sore Breasts
No Appetite
Acne Like a Teenager
Slightly Bigger Tummy

I am praying for Bumble and Vee and anyone else who is going through a hard time right now. I have been reminded that life and the creation of life is so fragile. It humbles me and my heart fills with hope that I will see my baby in 9 months.

12 comments:

lifelemons said...

I am right there with you! I had my first ultrasound today and am so glad the baby is not tubal! Now I am on to worrying if I'll make it nine months! Sheesh the worry never ends!

Beth said...

Good luck! We tried for 2 years and finally got pregnant last June, and had a baby girl on March 5! I will pray for you :)

Courtney said...

Say your mantra!
Live your mantra!
Be your mantra!

I am sure there are endless things to worry about, but look how far you have already come...

ultimatejourney said...

There are never any guarantees, but things are going very well for you so far. I will continue to hope for the best for you.

LifeHopes said...

I cannot imagine what you are going through. I myself am still trying to get pregnant, but I just know I will be in the same boat. I guess my thinking is that if it was this hard to get pregnant for me, surely I will be one who has problems once I get pregnant.
I will pray for your pregnancy-and that during the wait, you will have peace.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

These first weeks are so hard. It was so nice to hear so many BFP's all within weeks of each other and now that we hear bad news it makes it so hard to think that our own outcome will be good. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but it is very hard to not let it creep into your brain.

ms. c said...

Thanks for visiting me Kate! I dodn't realize that we were so close.

I know what you mean about reading bad news in blogoshpere- I hurts my heart so much, and makes me more than a bit worried for myself...

Keep up with the mantra, and hang in there, I'll be back to check on you!

Bumble said...

Thank you so much Kate. Hugs.

Your symptoms do sound good, and those are the only things that got me this far. Its so hard to stop worrying and for an IF even harder. But I'm filled with hope that you WILL be holding your little one in 9 months x

Sticky Bun said...

For IFers, early pregnancy is, I imagine, more angst-ridden than almost anything else. I really hope that everything goes well, and that you have a happy, healthy, and uneventful 9 months.

hang in there!

TeamWinks said...

Holy crap! I have family in town, haven't been in front of a computer in what feels like ages, and come back to find you pregnant! So excited for you!!!

hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

I feel your pain, sista. The worrying really, really sucks. I too am crossing off the days of the 1st trimester so that I can feel like it is really going to happen. Hang in there!!!!

Have you been told a due date yet?

hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH BUMBLE?!? I CAN'T ACCESS HER BLOG.