Leaving Home

I've done quite a bit of thinking and I have decided to move my blog to a new place. I feel good about it and am really excited about my new "home". It's not going to password protected, but I am not going to post the link here. If you follow me on Twitter, I am posting the link there and if you are a Braces Buncher the link will be there, as well. Otherwise, please leave me a comment and I will send you the link. I really, really hope you will come and visit my new space!

Four Months

The days seem to fly by in a blur. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I woke up this morning and realized that Emily will be 4 months old on Thursday

...and that Luke will be 20 months on the 25th.

How is it possible that in less than two years my life has changed so dramatically? People always told me that once you have children, it will be hard to imagine life without them. That's true, I suppose. It's hard to imagine my mornings without Curious George (thank God for PBS Kids) and Emily "talking" while I hurry to get ready. It's hard to imagine life without the haze of sleep deprivation. A part of me loves the advancement of time and the newness of each day, but another part wants it all to stop because it's just going way too fast.

Soon, we'll all be experiencing another type of change: a new house. We closed on a house at the end of September and will be moving in as soon as we replace some flooring and do some painting. The house hunting roller coaster of 2009 is over!! After months of looking and one contract that had to be canceled (stupid seller), we finally found a house, in a cul-de-sac and next to a park. Even though we are so cramped and very ready to move out of our current house, I know that M and I will have bittersweet feelings about leaving. We've spent our entire married life there and raised our kids (up to this point) there. It's time, though, and I think that we'll make wonderful memories in our new home.

Thanks so much for the comments about privacy in the blogging world. I really appreciate the thoughts. I'm still thinking about a switch to WP so I can protect certain posts, but I haven't made a final decision, yet. If you have made that switch, I would appreciate your thoughts on Blogger vs. Wordpress.

Goings On

It's been a while, hasn't it? A lot has happened. We got a house, we lost it and now we're buying a different house. I've gone back to work and both kids are in a new school. All of that will have to wait, though, because I want to talk about my weekend.

Most weekends are full of this and that, errands and park visits, etc.. However, last Friday, I kissed my kids and husband goodbye and got on a plane headed to Minneapolis. I've been reading Matt's blog since I was on maternity leave with Luke. One day I stumbled upon a blog that was set up to collect items and donations for Matt and Maddy. In the last 16 months or so I have gotten to know some amazing people and have seen an idea turn into an organization that helps people in need.

On Saturday, the Liz Logelin Foundation had it's first official 5K Walk/Run at Lake Calhoun in Minneapolis. It was nice morning, and by nice I mean not already 90 degrees.

As the park filled up with people I saw first hand the power that Matt's story has wielded in the blogosphere.

It was a great turnout and despite the bugs who tried to eat us alive, we were able to raise a lot of money to help families who really need it.

After the walk, I hung out by the pool with some wonderful folks! You can't see me because I was hiding in the shade with the pale people.

That evening I may or may not have sung a lot of karaoke with this lovely lady.

Luckily, there aren't any photos of that......I hope.

Sunday, I put on a nice dress for the first time in...I can't remember.....and climbed the steps to the Calhoun Beach Club for The Liz Logelin Foundation Gala. It was the result of months of work, hours of donation solicitation and a lot of stress. It was worth the sleepless nights. There were some awesome auction items:

good things to eat

and wonderful new friends

The generosity of the people attending brought everyone to tears. Because of that generosity the foundation will be able to help several young families who have suffered the loss of a parent. There is still time to help. We are also having an online auction and it's going on right now. If you think you can help or want to get a jump start on your Christmas shopping, go here.

I've always admired Matt. Not only is he doing an amazing job as a single parent, but he took a horrible situation and made it into something positive. It's easy for me to get involved in my own life. It's easy to forget how lucky I am. This was just the reminder I needed.

Whatever Works

It was four weeks ago that we we became a family of four and I feel like I am just emerging from the sleep deprived haze of having a newborn. Luke is staying in daycare while I am on leave, so every day it's just me and Emily. I thought I would get a lot more done than I have, but I was unprepared for the exhaustion of having a newborn all day and a 17 month old in the evenings. M has been great, as usual. He has taken on just as much as I have, aside from the nursing, of course. I'm usually too tired to say it, but I would never be able to do this without him.

I am also noticing a big difference in the treatment of child number two. With Luke, everything was examined, obsessed over and discussed. Now, it's all about whatever works. A little formula? Not a problem. Letting Emily fuss a little because I just can't get to her? She'll be ok. Putting the baby in the car seat to sleep? If it means I get a little more rest, then I'm all for it. People like to say that the second kid always gets jipped, and maybe there is some truth to that. I like to think that it has more to do with a more efficient use of limited resources.

If I was more eloquent I could write about what having two healthy children really means to me, but I'm no writer. Instead, I will just say that I am humbled daily by what we have been given. All of the craziness and all of the exhaustion is worth it. Especially when they are both asleep.

Roller Coaster

We welcomed Emily Elizabeth into the world on June 15th! She weighed 7lbs 11ozs and was 20 inches long. She has a full head of dark, dark hair (like her dad) and seems so tiny! When she came out, Dr. T announced that he cord was wrapped around her neck twice, which scares the shit out of me. I'm so glad it was a planned c-section. Here she is!







M's mom came down to help and Luke seemed to do ok. He had moments where he seemed a little off, but he was quite a trooper. As soon as they could unhook me from all of the IVs, he came to visit and our little family was complete.



I checked out on Thursday and we headed home. Then, the roller coaster started.

Friday I noticed that my swelling, which got worse after Em was born, was not improving at all. I also noticed that when I took a nap it felt like there was a weight on my chest. I turned to Dr. Google, of course, and saw some things that convinced me I should call my OB. The on call Doctor told me to go to the ER. We left Luke with my MIL and M, Em, and I all went to the emergency room. As they took my vitals I nursed the baby in triage, convinced that this would be taken care of quickly. If only that were true.

M left because all of this was a little too much for Luke, so he took Em with instructions on how to feed her the formula. (I just want to say that I normally make fun of the formula samples that the companies give you when you leave the hospital, but never again). One hour passed, then two. They called me back, gave me a room and hooked me up to measure my heart rate and O2 levels. My O2 was fine, but my pulse was low. They gave me a CAT scan, a chest x-ray and an ultrasound on my legs to check for blood clots. In the mean time, my phone was dying. I left my charger in the maternity room and hadn't had a chance to fully charge it. I was alone, cold and cut off from the world. After receiving a diuretic, the ER Doctor came in and told me that I had some fluid around my lungs and it looked like everything I received post C-Section was just a little too much for my system to handle. Oh, and they were admitting me. It was something about my heart.

As soon as he left I burst into tears. I couldn't call M because there was ZERO signal in my ER room, so I waited and waited. There was no room on the maternity ward, so they took me to the general surgery floor. Around 1am I arrive in my shared room, next to a poor older lady who was obviously in a lot of pain and on a lot of pain killers. SHe talked in her sleep constantly with bits of conversation from her everyday life.

"Are you going to the mall? Sour cream."

All I could think of was that my little girl was at home without me. I should have been up feeding her, but I was in a freezing hospital room with someone who pooped the bed every half hour and had to have her sheets changed all night. Lights were coming on and off and even with the curtain drawn there was no chance of sleep. At about 3am I went to the nurse and told them I was checking myself out. The charge nurse told me that I could do that, but 1) insurance wouldn't pay and 2) they really needed the cardiologist to check me out. They wrote "congestive heart failure" on my chart. Congestive heart failure?? WHAT???

So I cried and waited until morning. When morning came I met my day nurse and begged her for answers. When will I see the OB? When will I see the cardiologist, AKA the only person who can sign me out? After two doses of diuretics I felt much, much better. M brought me a new charger and held me while I cried my eyes out. I missed home. I missed my children. I missed my brand new baby. No one could tell me when the Doctor would be there. God forbid anything happen to you on a weekend because no one seemed to give a shit. My friend Maura, who has twin girls of her own, took Luke for the morning so that M could visit and I will always be so grateful for her help. My MIL took Em and we are so lucky she was there. I just don't know what we would have done.

I saw the OB around 3pm Saturday and she said that she thought everything looked ok, but she wanted the cardiologist to rule out postpartum cardiomyopathy. It dawned on me that when I said my chest felt tight, they may have thought I meant pain, as in a heart attack symptom. Swollen ankles is another symptom, but I hadn't been passing out or having shortness of breath. At 5pm, as Luke and Emily were visiting (with Maura's help) the cardiologist finally came by and released me. He said that he didn't see anything wrong with the low pulse since it went up when I walked around. He thinks that it's normally low. I don't really know since the only time I've really monitored it was when I was pregnant.

Almost exactly 24 hours after I walked in to the ER, M came and got me and we headed home. There is nothing that will give you an appreciation for your life like an experience like that. Being apart from my newborn was one of the worst experiences of my life. I've never really liked roller coasters and getting up for night feedings is all that I need in the way of excitement at the moment. Breastfeeding is right back on track and out family is intact once again. The swelling hasn't gone completely from my ankles, but it's much more normal. I am making more of an effort to put my feet up and appreciate this time at home. Life is good and I am trying to enjoy every minute of it.

(If you have ever had a postpartum experience with swelling or anything like that, let me know. I would be interested to hear what you were told by your Doctor...)

Four Years

M and I have been married four years. There has been a lot of change in those four years, but I am always glad that I have someone like M by my side. I've seen friends deal with some major issues this year, and it made me realize how important it is to have a partner who is truly your partner. I know that having children has added another dimension to our relationship. We aren't just smug marrieds, we're survivors of 3am feedings, stomach flu and diaper disasters.



I don't know how it will be with two children, but I hope we can always remember who we were on May 20, 2005. It seems like a lifetime ago, but I can't wait to experience the lifetime we have ahead of us. I love you so much, sweetie!

Mother's Day Revamp

I always feel a little bit conflicted about Mother's Day. It's not something that sprang from infertility. It started much earlier than that. I have a distinct memory from my childhood of my mother angrily doing dishes and saying to us, "Well, Happy Mother's Day to me!" I didn't understand why she wasn't happy with the cards that my brother and I made for her and I still don't understand why my father didn't make more of an effort to make her feel special so that her young children didn't have to feel guilty about not doing enough. Of course, I'm not sure anything could have made my mother happy.

These are the memories that come to me when M asks me what I want for Mother's Day. I would be happy with just a card or a nice day together as a family. I'm happy to be a mom every day. M really does make an effort to let me know I'm appreciated and not just once a year. I guess that's my beef with"greeting card holidays". Why can't we make the effort to appreciate each other all of the time?

That being said, maybe Mother's Day should be used as a day of reflection. I read an article online that really made me think. I freely admit that I have fallen victim to the worrying mom syndrome. I look at Luke and instead of seeing a beautiful boy, I see a slow teether who is almost 15 months and still won't pick up and eat anything that isn't a cracker-type thing or a cheerio and still eats a lot of jarred food. Worry, worry, worry. Why can't I focus on the fact that he's perfectly healthy, speaks a hand full of words, loves books and loves to run? Not only are we afraid of how others will judge us, but we are our own worst critics. It's natural to want to protect your kids from everything, but have we gone too far? If you have time, read this commentary. I don't agree 100% with the philosophy, but I do think that she has a point. We judge other moms and dads too much. I'm not talking about the decisions that can cause real harm to a child, but the ones about diet and TV and toys. If, with all of the information that's out there, a parent makes a decision that's different than the one you would have made, then so be it. I am just as bad as anyone when it comes to this kind of thing, but I am going to try to be better.

Motherhood has changed a lot in the last 50 years. We are older, we struggle more to conceive, more of us work outside the home and all of us feel the pressure to be superwoman. I propose that this Mother's Day, whether you are currently a mom, trying to be one, or will soon be one, take this day to appreciate yourself. Take Sunday as a day to forgive yourself and others for decisions that you may have questioned. Look around you and appreciate what you have and hope that it will get even better!

The Good and The Frustrating

First, the good.

I have become involved with a wonderful organization through a blog that I, and many of you out there, read. It has been a wonderful and challenging experience to see a non-profit go from just an idea to a full-fledged organization. (BTW, if any of you would like to help out with organizing future fundraisers or if you just have a good idea, let me know). A few weeks ago I started getting packages in the mail from some of these lovely ladies (and one man) with the instruction to wait until the 25th to open. It turns out, they planned a surprise virtual shower for me and the baby girl! Luke was more than happy to help me open gifts.



He tolerated modeling the cute outfits for a while....


....but had more fun inspecting the clothes and stealing the bows.



I was so touched by everyone's kindness. It has been an honor and a blessing getting to know all of you!

Yesterday, I had my 32 week OB appointment. Yes, already 32 weeks. The bonus was that we got a 3D ultrasound. Baby Girl was snuggled into the placenta and chewing on the cord, which freaks me out a little bit. We really couldn't get a great shot of her face, but managed to get one pretty good picture:



Everything is going well and my blood pressure continues to be good, so I am hoping it stays that way! None of my issues cropped up until 36 weeks with Luke, so that will be the next hurdle.

Now, the frustrating. Many of you gave really good advice about house hunting when I wrote my last post. We actually found a house that we really liked. At least, I thought "we" did. The house itself was in excellent condition, had the floor plan we wanted, and a HUGE kitchen. I was in love. The only drawback was that it was on a corner, but it was in the neighborhood and the corner had a four-way stop. We made a second visit, M took photos, we got our financing in order and then later that night M said he didn't want to put in an offer. He was too afraid to live on a corner. I have to admit, I was crushed. If he had just said that the corner location was a deal killer from the beginning, we would have moved on. It isn't that he didn't want the house, it's that he acted like he did and I got my hopes up. I thought for sure we had an excellent chance of getting into a great house before the baby comes. We are at a stand still. Limited by our many requirements, there are no houses on the market for us to see. That's it. I know that others will eventually come up, at least I hope so. In the mean time, I have that overwhelming feeling that I am drowning in worries.

When I open up cabinets, things fall out. (Yes, I have reorganized and given things away. Lots of things.) We have a very full storage room that costs us an insane amount of money each month. What's in there? Well, among other things, wedding gifts from almost FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO that we were never able to unpack because we didn't have room, even then. My mother-in-law is coming in to help and I have no idea where she is going to stay when I get out of the hospital. I guess we'll be on the pull-out with the baby in the living room.

People tell me not to worry and that we will survive. Yes, we will survive. Yes, there are worse problems to have, for sure. We are healthy, we are employed and we are ok. I am trying really hard not to be a crybaby about this. This isn't a Disney movie, though, and as much as I would like to believe that the field mice will come in and help me try to organize everything, it isn't going to happen. Certain things will have to be worked out and it's really overwhelming. I just wish I wasn't dreading my maternity leave because of this. I think I am going have to get out of the house hunting business, for now. It's too hard and too disappointing. I am trying to focus on the positive, although I admit I am kind of sucking at it right now. Every day will get better, though, and something will come up. I hope.

Reaching Out and Searching

I think a lot of the blogging world is still in shock and still thinking about the Spohr family. At least, I am. Heather once wrote about what you can do for parents of preemies who are still in the NICU. I am thinking about getting some parental survival bags together in honor of Maddie. You can find that post here.

Other suggestions specifically for the Spohr family can be found here. When I started this blog it felt really odd to reach out to someone I had never spoken to or met, but I've come to realize the power of a "stranger" and how it can really mean a lot that someone across the country is thinking of you. I hope Heather and Mike are gaining a little comfort from all of our thoughts and prayers.

Meanwhile, as I hug Luke a little tighter, life goes on. We are house hunting in earnest, now. We have a loan approval good for 90 days and have been searching for the right home. I was always an apartment dweller before M and I got married and have never been through this process. I am trying not to panic. I was 30 weeks yesterday and we have a very small two bedroom house that M bought when he was single. We've stayed there because it is almost paid off and the mortgage is low. As usual, we've waited too long to start this process and now I have the sensation that the walls are closing in on me. I don't need a mansion, I just need more space. House hunting in this area is complicated by hurricanes. What is the elevation of the property? Was it damaged during Ike? If it's near the water, will the insurance be too expensive?

My friend, Teal, made the comment that nothing will take you down faster than stress. It's true, and I really try to focus on what is important. We have a house, we are trying to be very careful with our money, we are both working and we aren't struggling financially like so many others. When my blood pressure creeps up, which is has been doing a little bit, lately, I go back to my yoga breathing and try to remember that people have had babies under much worse circumstances. We are all healthy and we have each other.

I guess this is what goes into such a big purchase. I just try to keep telling myself to have some faith - things will work out. Everything will be ok, right?

Remember

Update:

If you haven't already, you can visit Heather Spohr's blog here. The site crashed because of all of the visitors. If you would like to donate to the March of Dimes or donate to the family to help with expenses, you can go here for all of the information you might need. This is a reminder that the March of Dimes provides a valuable service to parents who have preemies and need help wading through the maze of confusing information. Support is so important when you feel you are alone, and even though I have (thankfully) not had to experience a preemie birth first hand, I think we all know someone who has. Tomorrow (Tuesday, April 14th) the Spohr family has asked that we all wear purple to honor Maddie. Even if you never heard of the Spohrs before now, I hope you will put on a little purple in honor of Maddie and all babies who come into the world a little early.

Speaking of good causes, another foundation that is near and dear to my heart will be getting some publicity today. Matt is going to be on Oprah TODAY for her show honoring outstanding fathers! If you can, watch it or tape it. I'm sure Matt will be sporting his unique fashion sense and Madeline will be as cute as ever!

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I was going to post about how crazy life has been, lately. House hunting, house selling, child raising, pregnancy and school were all topics that took up my every day life. As I sat down to check my Twitter account this morning, I read the devastating news about Maddie Spohr. Many of us learned that many of the things you take for granted in life are gifts. I don;t take for granted that getting married = having a baby on your time line. Now, I realize that taking a healthy child for granted is just as foolish. I never think about whether Luke's next cold will mean a hospital stay or if a stomach bug will put him in ICU. I so take for granted that he will get over his sniffles and other small ailments that come and go. Yet, for so many families, every sniffle and cough is a cause for real concern. My heart breaks for the Spohrs. I can't imagine having to leave the hospital without my baby. I can't imagine coming home to a child's room that is filled with toys but missing laughter.

I'll always try to remember how lucky I am.


You can donate to Maddie's March of Dimes fund here.

Giving and Receiving

Luke's first birthday party went very well! My parents alone with a friend and her daughter came over to celebrate. I was glad that we kept things small. I think it made everything a lot more fun. Luke didn't really go for the cake, although he did taste the icing. I am more and more convinced that he really likes the most bland food you can buy. (That's funny since I lived on Indian when I was pregnant.)



We all know about receiving advice and how annoying it can be. When I was trying to get pregnant I wanted to hurt anyone who started a sentence with, "Have you tried...." Now that I have a child, it doesn't stop. There is always someone willing to offer their opinion about what or how to do things. Sometimes, advice and judgment meld together in a messy lump. You aren't potty training? He still eats baby food? He isn't solving differential equations, yet?

I've been thinking a lot about this, lately, because I have come to realize that some people view information sharing as advice/judgment. I try to be really careful about what Luke eats and plays with. I check labels, I do research and I'm not a big fan of giving juice to a one year old. I'm certainly not perfect and Luke ate some dirt the other day, which is not on the food plan, but I do the best I can. I have friends who are of the same mind. We exchange information about recalls, chemicals in toys, new labeling laws and anything else that might be useful. I especially rely on the blog world for input, as you have probably noticed. I also have friends who don't approach their parenting in the same way. Well, they are pretty much the opposite. It does bother me sometimes if I feel like the child will ultimately suffer, but unless the child might really be in danger or I am asked, I just stay out of it.

I have one friend who asks for information or advice and then resents getting it. I think she feels really guilty about her choices in life and doesn't know how to process that. I don't think she's a bad parent or a bad person, but I really don't know how to deal with her anymore. I've tried to be really aware of how I answer her questions, but no approach seems to work. This isn't just directed at me. She acts this way towards others as well. It has made me examine the question of whether I can be friends with someone whose approach to parenting (especially discipline) is so very different from mine.

Do you welcome advice or input from trusted friends or would you just have people leave you alone completely? Have you ever had to end a friendship because, as parents, you were just too different?

One Year

One year ago we were introduced to our little man.

Those first few weeks/months are still a blur. Through the hormones and the worry, I remember being in awe of the little person that would be a part of our lives forever.

He has been the greatest joy to us and I am grateful every day that we were given this gift. Thank you for coming into our lives, Luke. We love you very, very much!

Toothache

I am not good about going to the dentist. By "not good" I mean I haven't gone in years. Yes, I know that's not smart, but don't worry. I've learned my lesson. Last week I was having some tooth pain and I though that maybe it was really just sinus pain since my allergies have kicked into high gear lately. When it got worse I had to break down and go. One small x-ray later (yes, I wore the vest) the verdict was root canal. This would be bad enough, except when you are pregnant, it becomes a bit more complicated. You can't be sedated and your pain medication options are much more limited. Also, you have to take frequent breaks because you can't be on your back for long periods of time. The dentist really seemed like he was on top of the whole dental work while pregnant thing, so I felt ok about it. I went in at 1pm and got out at 4pm. With all of the breaks and the fact that the tooth in question is one of my very back molars, it took 3 full hours. I made an appointment to get my teeth cleaned before I left the office.

I feel like an idiot. It's really my own fault for not going to the dentist more often, but the pain I am feeling right now has scared me straight. So, make me feel better. Tell me your dental nightmares. The stories will go well with my liquid diet.




On a happier note, I was given the Honest Scrap award by Delenn!

Here are the rules:
Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
Show the winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” There’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.

List at least 10 honest things about yourself.
The list:

1. Although I brush and floss twice a day, I have not been to the dentist in ten years. Yes, I am stupid.

2. My mom and I have never had a good relationship and I'm afraid I won't know how to be a good mom to a daughter.

3. I really wish I could go back to teaching, but I don't think I could be a good parent and handle the stress of the classroom...... or the crappy pay.

4. I would eat Indian food every day if I could.

5. There are times when I wish I could escape my life for just a few days, but I know I would just end up missing my husband and son too much.

6. I am compiling lists of information and instructions for my husband in case something happens to me during my C-section.

7. I really, really, really miss my friend, Teal. I know she hated Houston, but I wish she lived closer.

8. I am really afraid that breastfeeding won't be any easier this time.

9. I used to think that people who made friends over the internet were weird. However, in the past few months I have have made some really great friends online. I'm glad I was wrong.

10. I would have a hard time living without my iPhone.

Ok, I officially tag/award:

Danielle
Darcy
Teal
Kate
Christa
Courtney
Marissa

Get to it, Ladies!! In the mean time, I am going to go and pick up the Girl Scout cookies I ordered. I can't believe they came in today. I am so hungry and tired of drinking my meals. The cruelty of it all!!!

Resolved With More Questions

The sippy cup saga came to a successful close! After just a few nights of fussing about the new formula distribution system, we are officially done with bottles!!! Ms. K was right - after one week he was done. I did cheat a little a first and cut an extra slit in the nozzle to improve the flow, but gave Luke the unaltered version this weekend and he was fine with that. Now when I open up the kitchen cabinet I see the wasted remains of the battle. There were three types that I tried at various points along the way. All were failures.

Finally, this is the kind that worked. Many of you mentioned the Nuby brand cups. Is that what you were talking about?

Thank you all so much for your encouragement and advice. It really helped. It's one of the reasons I love the support system of the blogging world. You're not done yet, though.

My next question is about food. Luke is a slow teether (he only has 2) so I have been slow with giving him finger foods, which was probably not a good move. He will eat Cheerios, puffs, crackers, etc.. until he pops, but his real nutrition is still coming from jarred food and formula. I have tried giving him pieces of bananas, which he likes purred, and avocados. However, as soon as he touches it, he gets grossed out. The squishiness is unappealing to him. Next week I am going to try pasta and see how that goes. I want to really start giving him a wider variety of food because in a few weeks he'll be off of formula and won't be getting those extra vitamins. Has anyone else come across this? Suggestions? Solutions?

There are a few blogger that I would love for you to visit, if you have the time. Cibele is having a really hard time right now. Her daughter is very sick with RSV and she will be in the hospital for a few more days. It's been a really tough road for her since Lyla was born. Please go over and offer some support.

Aunt Becky is also facing a really scary situation with her newborn daughter. Just two weeks after she was born she is going to have a cyst on her brain removed. Please go and let her know you're thinking of her.

Lastly, JJ and Mook welcomed Oliver into the world! JJ is one of those special people that puts in extra time to make sure we all feel connected. I have gotten so much encouragement and support from the Braces Bunch group that she organized and I couldn't be more thrilled for her. Congrats!!!!

Bottles, Cups and Confusion

Just when I think I've hit my stride as a parent, I feel like another milestone (or lack thereof) sticks out of the ground and trips me. Bedtime has become very smooth and without any problems. Luke gets his bottle, I brush his teeth and then we put him in the crib while he's still awake. We don't hear from him again until morning. Now, it's the sippy cup saga. His teacher at school, who I trust, suggested that we start to really work on transitioning him away from the bottle. Let me say, first, that she was not at all pushy and was willing to go along with whatever we wanted. She's right, though. Luke does drink water from his cup, but not his formula. I had visions of friends whose 3 year olds would not give up their bottles and I decided that we should go for it. So, we began. He hates it. He'll take a few sips, but ends up crying. I think it's because of the flow rate. He probably has to work harder with the sippy. Then I hear people talking about straw cups. Should I try that instead? I am lost and torn. I think he can do this, but isn't there a solution that doesn't involve fighting your screaming child?

I am not the kind of parent who caves in at every little protest, but I am also not a parent who thinks that you should force your child into a transition that they may not be ready for. Maybe I need new tools? I know that this will all work out. I know that he's not going to be asking for his "baba" in Kindergarten, but I also know that there are developmental windows when certain transitions are more easily accomplished. Any and all thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated.

In the mean time, I leave you with a short video of Luke's audition for Aerosmith. Watch out, Steven Tyler.

What Is It?

We had our anatomy scan and.......it's a GIRL!! They guessed as much at the 13 week scan, but they also told us not to go out and buy any pink just yet. This ultrasound was definite, though, and we are going to have a little girl. Everything looked great, which was a relief. After all of the sickness I was a little worried. I would have been happy either way, but I feel very fortunate to have one of each and I will feel even better once she's out and in my arms.

The other exciting thing that happened, besides the inauguration, was that M bought me one of these:

I've never had anything but a "normal" cell phone, so this is a major upgrade. It involved changing carriers, but after asking some friends (thanks Danielle and Karyn) I was convinced that the benefits far outweighed the drawbacks. This thing is so cool I can hardly stand it. What other device will allow you to check your e-mail, Twitter, get on Facebook AND make fake fart noises? Also, I'm pretty sure that this thing is smarter than I am.

I am in love with my phone and I am not ashamed to say it.

Do Something Good

Maybe it's the fact that CNN has turned into the 24 hour Inauguration Channel, but I feel a sense of excitement in the air. Not only has optimism returned, but a sense that we should all try to give back and do something good for our environment, our fellow human being and our world. I think about this a lot and I wonder: How? How am I supposed to give back when I can barely handle my own life most days? I would love to work at a woman's shelter or serve food at a soup kitchen, but I just can't right now. Do you feel the same way? I think this is where the internet becomes so valuable.

I know that many of you read Matt's blog. After a lot of planning and some hard work by a lot of people, the Liz Logelin Foundation has been established to help widows and widowers, with children, who may need financial help after the death of a spouse. Other than Matt's blog, I really have no personal experience with widowhood or losing a parent. I think what touches me about this story is the fact that Matt decided to use the recognition that his blog received and turn it into a way to give back. I can't think of a better way to honor anyone's memory than to turn their death into something that helps people.

How can you get involved? First of all, check out the website! There is also a group on Facebook, so if you haven't already joined, please do. You can check back here for some exciting activities that are going to be launched next month. Lastly, of course, you can donate money. Don't think about donating a lot, just think about what you are able to give. Are you debating whether or not to make a trip to the vending machine or to Starbucks? How about clicking on the PayPal link at the foundation's website and donating the money there? There is no amount that's too small and it will go to people who really need it.

Tomorrow is the beginning of something that will change this world for the better. I hope we can all work to make sure that change finds it's way into all of our lives.

Survivorwoman

2009 started with a call from daycare telling me that Luke had thrown up twice that day. Although it's nice to not be the only one in my household who is puking, I felt sorry for my poor little man. He had a fever and wasn't really keeping any food down. M and I switched off on sick baby duty for two days and he soon got better. I took him back to daycare today and it turns out that two of his classmates were out because of the same thing. Well, what makes us throw up will ultimately make us stronger, right?

I've been feeling a little scattered lately and I think it's because I've let my life become a sort of disorganized exercise in barely controlled chaos. There are no plans, other than surviving. That's fine in the short term, but ultimately I need some sort of order. I want to start living my life again. I've decided to try to do a few things to help:

1. Plan meals every week. This is mostly for M, since what I feel like eating varies from day to day, but it should help the nightly "I don't know, what do you want?" dinner routine.

2. Have some planned activities on the weekend. Luke is not at the age where he wants to be more interactive with everyone and everything. I'm going to try to plan some outings to museums or just take more walks.

3. Make more lists. This sounds really anal retentive, but I really need something to help me remember that I am completely out of laundry detergent, for instance.

I know that there are a lot of you that have tips for me on this sort of thing. Please, share. Please.